"Write something worth reading or do something worth writing"

...hopefully both will be achieved with this post.

I've just cracked open the delightful Pauwel Kwak and am so glad I did.  It rules my world.  I'm drinking on an empty stomach, too.  This should be entertaining.

Let me set the scene for you: It's a dreary mid-50's Wednesday.  My plan, post-work, was to go to yoga, clean, and make some dinner.  I blew off yoga, started vacuuming my stairs and decided my best option for tonight is to drink.  I feel I made the best decision.

Onto tonight's beer of choice, the Pauwel Kwak.  I just looked over at my glass and saw a gnat swimming in it.  And you know what...?  I don't give a shit, because I am sure I paid at least $10 for this beer, and as we all know alcohol kills everything (I did remove the gnat before my next sip, maybe the gnat is a sign that I should have continued cleaning).

As usual, I had to Google what the hell Pauwel Kwak is...maybe I need to remind you that I truly know nothing about beer.  I really don't and I won't pretend I do.  I know what types of beer I like, but this blog is really more to help me remember what I've drank, and what beer I wasn't into.

Back to procrastinating from the real beer connoisseurs - things I have learned today: #1) Pauwel Kwak is a strong Belgian Pale Ale #2) oh, OK, apparently there is some magical glass that you must drink from, it kind of looks like the half-yards...a bit fancier.  Apparently the magician, Pauwel Kwak, created a glass ensemble to enable the mail coaches' drivers to drink since they weren't able to leave their mail coaches unattended when they stopped at his fine roadside establishment.  How convenient!  This is service:  pull up to a bar, sit in your horse wagon/team/whatever it's called, the bartender brings the beer out to you, and then you drive off with it - drinking and driving in the early 1800's.  I'm starting to love this beer more and more.  #3) at 8.5% alcohol, it will get you drunk (unless you are Andre the Giant, an entirely different topic)

I'm fairly sure the drive-through drink service exists in many parts of the world, just not legally in the U.S.  But, of course, I had to check on this, and, of course there is such a thing as drive-up drinks in Louisiana; I shall now interpret the law for you - Lousiana Law RS 32:300

Possession of alcoholic beverages in motor vehicles

A.  It shall be unlawful for the operator of a motor vehicle or the passenger in or on a motor vehicle, while the motor vehicle is operated on a public highway or right-of-way, to possess an open alcoholic beverage container, or to consume an alcoholic beverage, in the passenger area of a motor vehicle. (OK, this looks about the same as the other states, so far, so good...)

B.  For purposes of this Section, the following words have the following meanings ascribed to them:

(1)  "Alcoholic beverage" means any of the following:

(a)  Beer, ale, porter, stout, and other similar fermented beverages, including sake (brewed like a beer, drank like a wine; my next blog installment 'Sake, the Sobering Buzz' is coming soon) or similar products, of any name or description containing one-half of one percent or more of alcohol by volume, brewed or produced from malt, wholly or in part, or from any substitute therefor. (isn't the word 'therefore'?)

(b)  Wine of not less than one-half of one percent of alcohol by volume.

(c)  Distilled spirits which is that substance known as ethyl alcohol, ethanol, or spirits of wine in any form, including all dilutions and mixtures thereof from whatever source or by whatever process produced. (a.k.a. moonshine, white lightning, mountain dew, hooch, "Tennessee white whiskey" - is there a Tennessee black whiskey?)

(2)  "Motor vehicle" means a vehicle driven or drawn by mechanical power and manufactured primarily for use on public highways, but does not include a vehicle operated exclusively on a rail or rails. (OK, this is important, drinking on horses is not included)

(3)(a)  "Open alcoholic beverage container" means any bottle, can, or other receptacle that contains any amount of alcoholic beverage and to which any of the following is applicable:

(i)  It is open or has a broken seal.

(ii)  Its contents have been partially removed.

(b)  "Open alcoholic beverage container" shall not mean any bottle, can, or other receptacle that contains a frozen alcoholic beverage unless the lid is removed, a straw protrudes therefrom, or the contents of the receptacle have been partially removed. (See, this is where the drive-through drink fantasy seems like more of a myth.  Apparently, as long as the straw is not in the dacquiri, you can basically sip from the lid, but it does state that it would constitute 'open container' if the contents of the receptacle have been partially removed.  And really, who is able to drink much of a frozen dacquiri without getting an ice cream headache?  Not to mention, any frozen drink is the worst way to get a buzz, good luck with that..)

(4)  "Passenger area" means the area designed to seat the driver and passengers while the motor vehicle is in operation and any area that is readily accessible to the driver or a passenger while in their seating positions, including the glove compartment. (WHAT?!) It shall not mean a locked glove compartment (I'm still trying to visualize someone in a glove compartment, let alone a LOCKED glove compartment) or behind the last upright seat, or any area not normally occupied by the driver or a passenger in a motor vehicle that is not equipped with a trunk. (wow, you hillbillies are really OK with anything aren't you)

(5)  "Public highway or right-of-way" means the entire width between and immediately adjacent to the boundary lines of publicly maintained highways or roads when any part thereof is open to the use of the public.

C.  Notwithstanding R.S. 32:391 and 411, whoever violates the provisions of this Section shall not be taken into custody by the arresting officer, but instead shall be required either to deposit his driver's license with the arresting officer or give his written promise to appear.(No comment on literacy, oh wait, I just mentioned it..) Furthermore, a violation of the provisions of this Section shall not be included in the records kept by the commissioner required in R.S. 32:393.1.

D.  (1) Whoever violates the provisions of this Section shall be fined not more than one hundred dollars. (What?! You get an open container violation and that is what you pay??) Court costs shall be assessed in addition to the fine authorized by this Subsection.

(2)  For purposes of enforcement, the observance of a glass, cup, or other container that, on its face, does not indicate that the container contains an alcoholic beverage, shall not, absent other circumstances, constitute probable cause for a law enforcement officer to stop and question a person. (I bet everyone in Louisiana drives with alcohol in their car, especially since the state has a provision that basically states, 'how dare you have the audacity to assume that I am driving with alcohol in this vehicle!').

The below basically states that if you are a passenger, drink up: 

F.  The provisions of this Section shall not apply to the following persons or in the following areas:

(1)  Any person operating or occupying a motor vehicle who, as a condition of his employment and while acting in the course and scope of such employment, is required to carry open alcoholic beverage containers, provided that the operator or passenger does not consume the alcoholic beverages.

(2)  Any paid fare passenger on a common or contract carrier vehicle, as defined in R.S. 45:162.

(3)  Any paid fare passenger on a public carrier vehicle, as defined in R.S. 45:200.2.

(4)  Any passenger in a courtesy vehicle which is operated as a courtesy vehicle.

(5)  Any passenger of a self-contained motor home which is in excess of twenty-one feet in length.

(6)  Possession of an open container of alcoholic beverage in the trunk of a motor vehicle.

(7)  If the motor vehicle is not equipped with a trunk, possession of an open container or alcoholic beverages in any of the following areas:

(a)  In a locked glove or utility compartment.

(b)  In an area of the vehicle not normally occupied by, and not readily accessible, to the driver or passengers.

(8)  Passengers and krewe members riding on a parade float. (I just discovered what 'krewe' means.  Look it up yourself.)

(9)  Any passenger in a privately owned limousine the driver of which possesses a Class D commercial driver's license.

Damn it, Louisiana kind of rules.  Just don't ever drink a dacquiri from a half-yard glass, it will NOT get you drunk and is just a bad idea, believe me, I've tried it.

Do I look drunk?